Therapy 101: When Reality Hits
What is it like to be a primary school student in Singapore? I’m not sure if you are aware, but there’s no ‘repeating’ or ‘retaining’ or ‘stay back’ or ‘not promoted’ in Primary School. (There goes all those warnings some of us scream at our kids!) Every child in Singapore has to go through six years of compulsory education. If a child fails a subject, or all subjects, he/she will still be promoted to the next level. I think it’s somewhat “auto-promotion”. Things would change in Primary 5. If the child is failing ‘too much’, he/she will do that failing subject at a foundational level (READ: simpler basic level) and still continue to do that big grand Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE) the following year.
Back to my question. So what is it like to be a primary school student here?
If I were a kid, I would go YAHOO!! No need to pass exams and still get promoted! Yahoo!!
But as a parent, I better pray hard my child is able to pass exams and not go through primary education without a single pass. Imagine the child’s self esteem and confidence level! Everything is graded, yet regardless of grades you move up to the next level. I’m not sure how is the child ever going to finish the catch-up game!
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Yesterday, reality hit.
It was a decision we’ve discussed and prayed over for the last few months. Last week, one of the therapists agreed with us, that this is something she would recommend. So we geared ourselves up for today. You see, yesterday was our appointment time with the Child Development doctor…a very senior one too! We decided to ask Doc for her opinion & recommendations.
Well, she didn’t dissuade us. And she didn’t just agree with us, she added on a whole spectrum of other activities we should do. And after examining Meimei, she said, “you see that? She has very low language skills. Definitely below what’s expected of her”.
Wham! Bam! Strangely, even though I know of her very slow learning ability and poor cognitive development, it still hits you hard when you hear it. You feel like you wanna stand up and defend her, you want to explain that
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she understood but just took a bit longer to really understand it.
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she was not paying attention. But if she did, she can understand
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she didn’t catch the accent
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she’s not used to the voice
As a mother, the natural defense mechanism arose, it’s “Don’t You Dare Say My Girl Is Slow.”
But the more instinctive knowing took over. It became a “she really is trying to understand, but she can’t cos she needs a bit more time” or “please speak a bit slower. Let me rephrase it for you”.
I just kept quiet. I mean, it’s true. She really didn’t understand what was said. She really took a while to respond to the instructions.
I’m rambling now… but I know deep down, she will be alright. We need to pray, explore options, and do some research. The journey has started, and how it will go depends on our decision. It’s daunting yet exciting. There’s so much to trust God now.
This is part of a series I’ve started – Therapy 101, to document Nadine’s developmental struggles and victories, and to journal my own learning experiences as she goes through hers.
Nadine is going to make it anyhow because she has wonderful parents like you guys. Praying alongside with you. Jia you!
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Trusting God together with you in this! Keep going and Jia you!!
Hey… hang in there. Keep the faith. You have been such a loving and patient mum. I don't know if I can do it if I were you! Jiayou to Nadine! It's still an early stage, who knows she will catch up faster when she's older? And by the way, there are still students who stay back in P6. That would be up to the individual school to recommend that option.
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With my daily interaction with Nadine, I realised that she has improved tremendously….we totally believe our God is good….He will make all things beautiful in His time.
Hey, I believe the parents play a big part to helping kids do well in life. It’s a good thing to identify the problems and it’ll be easier to tackle them and carve out a good learning style for Nadine. I am sure she will do fine. What’s important is being happy and learning at her own pace 🙂
Jia Hui
i know, i understand exactly how it feels, even we know our child very well, when being told "they have xxx delay' "they not on par with peers' 'i just taught u, why u forget again?" , it breaks our heart. As mother, when child at tender age, we make decision for them. I always pray for Godly wisdom in making decision for them Listen to yr inner voice and peace. Trust motherly instinct.
I chose to let my child goes mainstream, there are challenges everyday (just P1, i cant imagine when he goes upper primary), but I am taking one step a day, praying and trusting God "My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness ".II Corinthians 12:9
Just FYI, u may want to find out more on Auditory and Visual processing, our eye and ears are primary means of delivering info to our brain. More info on Sensory Processing, http://www.spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-proces…
Yes Mei mei will be alright! :)) you are not alone.. many aunties and uncles supporting you and family in this! jiayou! :))
Hi Jiahui,
The first part of your post really enlightens. I'm struggling to teach my son Chinese Ting Xie every night. Now, I just realized that he will be "auto-promoted" to the next level even though he fails all his ting xie. What's the big deal? Why am I so stressed up? And why am I stressing my boy so much? You see, I should really relax now. 🙂
I feel a bit sad reading the second part of your post though. I can understand how you feel. Just like when my son's K2 teacher told me that he's slower than his peers, I jumped up to defend him. Deep down in my heart, I know that it's true but it's just so hard to accept reality.
The road ahead of Meimei will be a little more challenging than the other kids. But with your unconditional love and support, I'm sure Meimei will improve tremendously and she will be alright. *Give Meimei a hug for me*
I can see how hearing that would have hit you pretty hard, but you're right. She WILL be ok. She'll be great, in fact!
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Kids learn at different rates. You're right, though, she will be ok.
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First I think it's ridiculous that there is no expectation for the kids to pass their levels. I would go insane as a parent. Secondly for your daughter, I completely understand what you mean. When anyone says anything about the kids, even if I knew it beforehand I immediately come to their defense. We just don't like to hear anyone say anything bad about our babies. BUT you have an amazing head on your shoulders and you're aware of what is happening and needs to be done. With that she won't be just okay, She'll be amazing!
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Love your positive outlook on this. She will be okay because she has great parents.
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I have children who have struggled and when they were younger it was so hard when they weren't at "the level" they were supposed to be at. Mine are grown now and finished with school and they're fine, they just needed a little bit of time to catch up. And they did. Though the prayers definitely helped. Praying for you and your daughter.
It will be a tough journey. Caydence not only has two incurable diseases, she is also recently diagnosed with two learning disabilities. It is a very difficult period for us and it certainly tests our faith greatly. I will be praying for little Nadine and your family. We can make it.
Wow, that has to be somewhat worrisome that your child could be passed even if they didn't really 'pass' the grade. I can see how you would need to really stay on top of things.
And yes, it is hard to not make excuses and really admit that they don't understand. She is a very lucky girl to have you as her mother. I will pray with you that you will have the wisdom to know how to proceed.
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It is so hard as a mom to not step in, and make excuses. I am sure that it is even harder to hear a result that isn't as favorable as you would like. I applaud you for being proactive, and loving your child enough to take the necessary steps to get help, and move forward.
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I really trust my daughter's therapists. She has had many over the years and they see her in a different light. I see her as my baby girl, they see her as a child who needs extra help in school, so they help her. They don't fret and worry like I do. I had her IEP meeting last week and I don't even worry anymore. She is older–13–and I can see the developmental and academic changes in her. I really didn't until this past year, and then is was astonishing. She can actually read now and she is at grade level, something we've never experienced! I really respect how beautifully you are addressing your daughter's successes and challenges–she is very fortunate to have an advocate like you.
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