Therapy 101: Confidence Building

Sometimes we parents have to make unexpected or even unnecessary purchases for our kids. I’m not referring to stuff they need or an unexpected circumstance that occurred. For me, it was like a seed investment to buy my daughter’s words. Yes, I paid S$128 just for that.

As many of you know, Nadine does not express herself much. When she’s facing a tough time, or not feeling too well, she would cry. (And it’s those silent cries, not temper tantrums or screaming cries… usually you can’t’ even hear a sob.) And it would be up to the teachers, caregivers or us parents to do detective work to find out what went wrong. This can be a tummy ache, or a feeling overwhelmed by the situation, or a hurt emotion she’s going through. And I must admit, at times, it remains a mystery, and I can’t figure out what’s hurting my baby.

Now, my girls sleep on a double-deck bed. Nicole is above, and Nadine is below. The last few weeks, Nadine has been climbing up to sleep with her sister. She will lug her pillow and blanket up the ladder and plant herself there for the night. And sometime at about 4 a.m., she would make her way down and to my room, and plant herself on my bed.

Last Sat, Nicole was really quite frustrated with this sleeping arrangement. She was quite adamant that Nadine will NOT be coming up to her bed to sleep for the night. And of course this got Nadine’s tears welled up and she laid there on her lower deck bed with tears rolling down.

That day, I was determined to find out what’s wrong. I brought her to my room, cuddled her and started asking some leading questions. She only nodded in agreement or shook her head if I said something wrong. She refused to answer why she wants to sleep with Nicole.

Confession 101: It was then when it suddenly crossed my mind. Is this what will happen if she is bullied in school? Or if she has some friendship issues (as with all girls)? Or if she’s struggling with anything? I realised I have to get her to talk and express herself. She just has to, there is absolutely no way she can go on this keep-to-herself nature anymore.

So it was time to pray in my heart, and be very patient and wait. I waited and waited and waited…

And waited and waited and waited….

And she suddenly whispered, “it is very hot”. I nearly screamed out a YAHOO!! She replied me!!

But I couldn’t do that, so with much control, I asked her, “is it very hot when you sleep on your bed?” and she nodded with a lot of tears rolling down her cheeks. Oh man… So that’s why!!

The quickest solution was of course to bring in a fan for her. But Daddy was so pleased that Nadine spoke up, that he told her, “Because you told us what was wrong, Daddy will help find the solution. We will buy you a fan!” (Of course, we are also kicking ourselves why didn’t we realise this sooner!?!?) Our rationale was she has to see that there is a benefit when she expresses herself, and it doesn’t help if she keeps quiet about it all the time.

And that’s why we spent S$128 on a Tower Fan. It was an investment to boost her confidence. The entire family calls it Meimei’s Fan, and she’s been beaming non-stop since we bought it!

This is a milestone for us. It’s really the first time she explained her actions and decisions. I believe if there’s a first, there will be a 2nd, 3rd and subsequent time. We are so so thankful for this breakthrough and I know God is still doing His miraculous work in her.

This is part of a series I’ve started – Ther­apy 101, to doc­u­ment Nadine’s devel­op­men­tal strug­gles and vic­to­ries, and to jour­nal my own learn­ing expe­ri­ences as she goes through hers.

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