BGR for Kids?
BGR-Boy Girl Relationships. A pillar of sorts in our lives. When I look back now, I still remember the silly things I did, the emotional highs and lows, the top of the world feeling, the nervous heart beating and the broken heart getting crushed. (I’m sure some of you are with me in this, while some are still going thru it now!)
Nonetheless, there’s an unspoken & unwritten rule that kids shouldn’t be involved in BGR. I’m not sure if it’s a cultural thing. Or simply a protective parent instinct. We don’t really want our kids to start dating in primary school. (not secondary school for me too!, but that’s another topic altogether) If you have primary school kids, your main focus is getting him the necessary academic foundation, life skills and values. All that I-Love-You nonsense have no place at this stage.
I have two daughters, which possibly explains this post. (It is very daughter focused!) When Nathan passes his All-Girls-Are-Ewww stage, it’s possible I would need to write another post just for that!
I chatted with my sis, and with some friends. We remembered that we never ever told our parents about our crushes or crushees. We weren’t so sure why, but the general consensus was because we were probably going to get scolded, told off, and given a long lecture about BGRs are for adults, after you finish your studies blah blah blah.
I’m not disagreeing with my parents on their stand on BGR. But I cannot imagine scolding the kids now, telling them off and giving them long lectures about something that is really a big part of growing up. So here’s my response to my kids. The objective is two-fold: Keep communication open between us, and assure that it is really normal and natural to go through such emotions. (And Nicole, if you are reading this, I’m not lying here!)
To be fair to my kids, I’m not sharing about their crush on someone in school. Today, I tell you what happened when Nicole shared about a boy who has a crush on her. I told her about Daddy and his Application Forms.
Here are the details:
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Daddy has application forms for all the boys who likes you
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The forms are for them to fill in, if they like you. It can be filled in by pencil or pen, or verbally when Daddy interviews them
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The purpose of the forms are for Daddy to check if the boy really likes you
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Some boys are just lying, and some are just not so sure. The forms will ask them questions that help us find out about their feelings
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If Daddy is not around to help administer the forms, Mummy can do it too
For more details about the Application Forms & Interview Questions, please note that they are private and confidential due to the personalised nature of each document.
So, how do you handle the conversation when your child comes back to share about a crush in school?
I know exactly what you are experiencing. It’s cute for sure and we know it’s all harmless (during our time) but there’s no doubt kids really do start very young these days. My 12 yo daughter has schoolmates who are in relationships with secondary school boys! One thing I can be assured of, is my close relationship with my girl which helps, because she opens up to me about boys who have crushes on her at school. So you are on the right track! Keep communications open, especially daughters. No point scolding them or anything, because it’s not something they can help it. I can only advise her to ignore, ignore, ignore (and when she is older, to play hard to get!). Sooner or later, once they feel you are nonchalant about it, they will give up.
12yo with secondary school boys??? uhoh…. so scary! Yes that’s why we wanna keep communication open.. I don’t want to turn her off from sharing with me!
Interesting post! You even have forms to fill! Your hub is well prepared! I guess it has to do with age. If a 7yo tells me that there is a girl or boy who likes my kid, I will be secretly happy for them since they are attractive enough physically or character-wise. If a 12 yo tells me, I will start my birds and bees talk and conversation will be more serious but not to the extent of lecturing else it will be the last from them. Now I think about it, I should start my bees talk with my 9yo soon 😛
My son, 8, is still in that ewww phase! ~lol~
My kids are all older and luckily there all still in the yucky stage, thank goodness!
I have no idea how we will handle this. Thankfully we are no where near the stage yet. Although we joke that our daughter can date when she is 40.
Haha! Love that quote! I am not there with my kiddos yet, but when I came home and said I had a crush my Mom lost it! She told me I was too young to have a boyfriend.. mind you this was first grade. I didn’t agree then, but I do now! LOL
Our daughter just turned 18, and while we never told her she could not have a boyfriend as a teenager, we certainly discouraged it. Emotions are so fleeting when they are young and she is going to University for a degree. Another four years of school. She doesn’t need the distraction of a relationship right now, plus I’m a firm believer in the fact that the more mature the person is when they do start dating the more likely they are to choose a mate that is suitable for them rather just based on the romanticism of dating or marriage.
We are not there yet as both boys are too young still, but we will have to see how it goes. I think my hubby is happy we don’t have a girl. 🙂
My daughter is only 5, but some of her best friends are boys. Like her, I far prefer the company of boys to girls for my friendships!
I just didn’t make too big a deal out of it. It’s all part of growing up. I did have one friend who was WAY too into her daughter’s relationships even at a young age. She just kept pushing for it to be serious. I certainly didn’t want that!
I think you have the right attitude. My kids were honest with me, because they knew I wouldn’t get upset. Many of her friends just lied to their parents about relationships, which is much worse.
I’m ok with my girls having friends that are boys, but “boyfriends” can definitely wait.. til they are at least 30 or so… 😉
I hate this stage of parenting. We have a 15 yr old and a boy that has been banned from existence. Been the best year of being a mom ever *note sarcasm*
I am not ready for this milestone in our household. Nope. Just not ready.
One day they go from ick to hey, I have a girlfriend. I’m not sure exactly why it happens, but I think it’s all a natural part of growing up.
I had plenty of BGR as a kid. I don’t really think it should matter. People are people. And kids should be taught that at an early age. They should be able to be friends and have relationships with boys and girls and of any race, religion, orientation, etc.
It is a great way to keep your kid occupied and engrossed in an activity.
Make sure you keep informed about any and every product you buy
for the baby because of the fact that you may have looked publications and pamphlets that
there are always reminders of unsafe product being advertised because a paper is confirmed unsafe for children and infants with what probably
can be transformed into an article risky for them to manipulate or play, and
watch for the new as it is made available and ensure complete your product registration information if needed and snail mail
it in or submit it on the line to keep in the loop when a callback never occurs.
Gifts are a great way expresses our love, affection, care and respects.