Serve your children
Recently, I heard from a dear friend who just got married. Let’s call her Karen. She’s staying with her husband’s family for now, while awaiting for their new home. And as we were catching up with her new life, Karen made an interesting comment, “Why do mothers bring up their sons to be served?”
Apparently, in her husband’s household, Mum does everything. She prepares breakfast for the family, cleans the house, does the laundry etc. I guess that’s quite common, if you have a mummy who is a homemaker. BUT, the issue came when Karen’s husband (plus his brother, plus the dad) will wait at the dining table for food. The women (that’s Mum, and Karen) have to serve the men their coffee, eggs, fish, chicken, noodles, rice, newspaper, slippers etc!!
She says, the coffee pot is on the table. But either Mum or me herself has to pour the coffee out for the men. The kitchen is three steps away, but the men will just plonk themselves at the table, while the women brought the food out from the kitchen.
Knowing Karen, she has no issues serving her husband, her father in law, or for the matter, her brother in law. But she found it incredulous that anyone would bring up boys to be waited hand and foot on. She spoke to her husband, and found out that’s how it has been since he was a kid! Mum does everything!
TWO issues here:
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Boys who are brought up not to do anything around the house
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Boys and Girls who are brought up not to do anything around the house
I don’t want to start a gender debate here. So let’s deal with #2. Why are some kids brought up, never ever learning how to make their own milo, pour out their own milk, wash a cup, hang the laundry etc? There are really adults out there—full grown men and women who don’t lift a finger in the house for anything.
In our society, it is common to have a domestic helper who does all the household chores. But surely that doesn’t mean the child grows up expecting to be served at all times.
Hmmm… do your kids get to serve their own meals at home? My kids do. They get ready their own cutlery and cups. As they grow older, they either scoop out the food or they bring the food to the table. I don’t want my kids to sit at the table, and expect someone to pour out coffee for them when they are grown ups!
Wanna know what I told Karen? “Your mother in law spoilt her kids!” What do you think?
What do you think about basic chores and children?
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I would say the mother-in-law spoils her kids rotten. But then again, in the past homemakers were expected to wait on everyone else since they take the as their "job".
Mine too! Haha but that includes me…. whoops. But since I came from a family where we’re not allowed to sit n not help, I do try to help out n force my hubby to do so too. But the mil really likes to serve though n we all enjoy feeling spoilt haha. Whoops..
All hail the great mummy!! You have large shoes to fill!
My MIL is the exact same way, though she is clearly gender biased. Her generation seems to be entrenched in a patriarchal society, and because women are seen as inferior, we have to serve the men. I really hope our kids will not inherit this mindset, nor this false sense of entitlement. I was thinking of writing a post about this, but you beat me to it!
Please do a post on this! It would be different. Get it off your chest ya!
I believe that chores and doing it have to be taught from young irregardless of gender. As the kids age they get more chores to do. Even the 2yr old is not spared doing chores. The eldest is now doing cooking and ironing and will be teaching him how to do more varied dishes etc as we go along this year. All of them know how to operate the vacumn cleaner, put their dishes to wash while the boys can do the dishes, laundry and mop/vacumn the house. Will start with sewing and other skills when they reach P4.
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It's not just mothers! A friend of mines husbands father did everything for her husband and he rarely lifts a finger now.
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Wow, I wouldn't stand for that. I believe in people being able to do things for themselves, especially the basics.
I'm thinking about my own family: 2 boys, 2 girls. My mother always said "bing your empty plates to the sink" but only the girls would listen haha.
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hahaha me too! Only my sis and I moved! 🙂
I have been training my kids to do basic chores themselves, e.g. bring the empty plates and cups to kitchen after their meal. I think it is necessary to train the children to "serve" themselves, and not to expect others to serve them.
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Totally agree!!!!!
My MIL used to do everything for my hubby until he married me. Now I’m glad that he’s very hands on around the house and even does the chores and maybe even a better job than me. So from young, I’ve been training Sophie to help around the house as we ehave no help. She’s doing a great job and I’m glad to seeher being so sensible and responsilbe. 🙂
That's great! I hope MIL is ok with Sophie doing such 'hard' work. 🙂
nope, not gonna happen in this family for me. if anything, i'll train my children to serve me instead. hahaha! after all, being the homemaker means i'm the boss of everyone at home! hahahaha!
but that aside, i believe more in team work. everyone in the family should chip in to help. for e.g. if i do the cooking, you do the washing. this way, nobody is serving nobody. everyone is helping out one another.
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We train Dana to help out with household chores too, that includes bringing her own cups, plates and cutleries to the kitchen sink after meals, bringing her own clothes to the laundry basket and packing up her own toys. She actually enjoys washing the dishes so we use it as a 'reward' when she behaves well (cheeky parents we are!). The latest ploy? She saw the nurses making my Mom's bed in the ward yesterday and seem fascinated. So Daddy quickly chipped in, 'If Dana is exceptionally well-behaved, maybe we will allow you to make your own bed too!" To which she exclaimed, 'YAY!'
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Our boys, at 4 and 2, already have "chores" that they help with… including picking up their toys every night (sometimes we help a bit, but they do most of it).
I think that all kids need to learn. My boys are lucky because my husband shares in the housework, so they have a great male role model.
In addition to boys who don't do chores, my list of "gender-related" pet peeves for kids… parents who think girls should not have to follow the same social rules as boys (especially at a very young age). All kids need to learn to be good citizens… just because your daughter is female does not mean it is any more OK for her to shove or hit my son than it would be for my son to shove or hit her! I'm shocked by how many moms of girls just laugh it off when their girls are mean to other kids, but flip out when a boy does the same thing.
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I serve the food but my kids help with silverware and drinks and such. Everyone helps in our house.
My 3 year old knows that he has to bring his bowls and cups to the sink when he's done and his laundry to the wash basket. My husband has yet to master this though. He still leaves his clothes all over the floor and doesn't make the bed. SIGH!!!
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I simply concur to your comment. Sometimes parents raise their children in the wrong way but we cannot do anything for them anymore that's how life is. What we can do is make the best out of our experience and what we see in other people, prepare our children the way we know, how to survive and be independent but still have close relation with their family and love ones.
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Children need to learn to do these things for themselves. What if they go away to college or are otherwise "on their own" as an adult. Rooms don't automatically clean themselves. Food doesn't just automatically appear on the table. I believe it shows appreciation for the work of the person around the house when other people in the house participate or assist.
My husband is one of those men. If the kids and I are out and about and don't get home in time for a meal, he's starving. No matter the time that has passed, he will not cook for himself.
Same thing for cleaning, yard work, you name it. His mom must have really spoiled him rotten when he was a kid. For me, I don't mind MOST of the time. Sometimes it's all-out annoying. The kids all know how to do things (and will do them) on their own.
I remember loving helping with the chores when I was a kid, so I don't get it.
That is totally wrong when both parents are working ! My son (meanwhile 40) learned already from his father that household scores have to be done by both parents, and not only by the women !
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Some people carry on traditions that are long passed ~ Interdependency is what life is in 2014 ~ each person is responsible ~ team work ~ great post ~ carol (A Creative Harbor) xxx
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I totally agree with you. That's ridiculous that they can't pour there own coffee.
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well I do make my own coffee and serve myself food.
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